


Such Selfish Prayers

by tasteofink



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Hades and Persephone AU, Implied Sexual Content, Inspired by Hades and Persephone (Hellenistic Religion & Lore), M/M, POV Ronan Lynch, Past/Mentioned Character Death, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish's Hands, Soft Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish, not historically accurate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 10:27:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18826807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasteofink/pseuds/tasteofink
Summary: We can wear the same crownKeep slowing your heart downWe are the gods now-"Infinity", Jaymes Young





	Such Selfish Prayers

~~~

Before anyone held the underworld, before the sky and sea were kingdoms for the gods that ruled them, there was a god and his dreams.

Other gods didn’t trust him, feared what he could do, and they forbade him from using his abilities for anything. Niall nonchalantly agreed and it came as a surprise to nobody that Niall, fond of breaking rules simply for the fun of it, did just that. Niall never meant any harm, dreamt himself golden weapons, a suitable home, someone to rule beside him. 

She was beautiful. Nothing about her made sense and her beauty was greater than that of the gods, but she was a dream after all. From the day Niall woke up with Aurora in his arms, with her golden hair and shining eyes, he never let her go. She loved him as any dreamt up companion should, brought out a gentler, more human side of her god. 

Niall never told her what she was, but he did tell her about his abilities. “Why won’t they let you dream?” Aurora once wondered out loud.

“They think I would use it to harm them or overthrow them,” Niall told her, “but I can show you if you’d like.”

He pulled her into a dream where everything was gold and the world was quiet. They escaped their secret reality, the darkness of the other gods’ watchful eyes, explored the land Niall created. They would return from Niall’s dream world longing to go back, but as long as they were together, they were happy.

That happiness grew when Aurora’s belly swelled with her first child. For nine moon cycles, she glowed with the gift, waited somewhere between patient and impatient to meet the new addition to this family. Niall worried over the day she would give birth. If anyone found out about this, he would be punished, Aurora, too. When the day came and Aurora cried out in pain and excitement, Niall was the one to help welcome their baby boy into the world with nervous, careful hands.

“What should we call him?” Niall asked her.

Aurora held the baby to her chest and didn’t look up when she spoke. “Declan,” she suggested.

Whether Niall liked it or not, she said it with too much ease for him to say no.

“Declan,” Niall repeated. “I get to pick the next one then,” he smiled.

Aurora gave a dramatic gasp and laughed through it. “It’s not bad,” she argued.

“It’s not,” Niall agreed with a laugh.

Their love was blissful and brought life to the world twice more after their first born. Niall chose Ronan for their second born and the first born sons picked the name of their youngest brother, Matthew, after arguing with each other during Aurora’s labor. Fate would have it that the three children, born of a god and his dream, were meant for more. Fate would also decide that Niall’s acts were unlawful and he must be punished accordingly.

“Not by death, not yet,” the gods decided. Instead they would strip Niall of his godliness, let him live the rest of his days as a mortal with his children and their mother. “Until the youngest crosses the threshold into manhood. Then you shall die.”

Niall loved his sons fiercely till the day he was taken from them, favored the middle child from the day he was born with a birthmark like a black paint smudge on his back. As he grew, so did the mark, from a smudge into something like art. Niall watched him grow alongside his brothers with unparalleled pride until he got sick. Aurora stayed by his side and the three boys worried over him incessantly. Aurora helped Niall write letters out to the three of them, pages of script filled with Niall’s secrets- his dreams come true, tales of when he was a god, the truth of their nature.

They told me your births were crimes, but I never saw it that way. I would give my life over and over again to watch you grow, to see your mother’s swollen belly and know that a gift more beautiful than anything in this world was coming.

On Niall’s last day, Aurora called their children into the room and left the boys with their father. Niall handed them a small bag that held the weight of the boys’ futures inside. Each of them would draw from it, Niall explained, to decide what they would rule. 

“We are not gods,” Ronan argued, confused and heartbroken.

“You were born of one and one’s dream,” his father said. “You are whether you believe it or not.”

Ronan held his arm against his back, pressed his knuckles against his spine. He always thought the mark was some sort of dream thing, but maybe it was some sort of god thing, destiny at work.

Ronan and his brothers swore that whatever happened to them, they wouldn’t let themselves be torn away from one another.

Ronan said goodbye to his father and his mother in mere hours. He thought it unfair that Aurora had to be taken from them, too, felt lost and unprepared. Ronan always wondered if a broken heart took her away from them so soon, if they had always been meant to die together. Declan was there for his two younger brothers, but Ronan started to see the changes before long. He was coming into himself, the eldest, the one in charge. Ronan watched Matthew find his way and the youngest never seemed to lose his innocence.

It seemed that fate chose their paths before they drew the stones from the bag their father left them. As Ronan pulled his from the fabric, he felt the weight of it spread from his hand, a cloak of darkness he would wear forever.

“The underworld,” Ronan said aloud, though his voice was strained. “Matthew?”

Matthew opened his palm and stared at what he held. “The sea.”

Declan’s shoulders were squared and his head high. Ronan saw the arrogance on his face straight away.

“This won’t tear us apart, right?” Matthew asked.

“No,” Ronan answered.

Declan only nodded unconvincingly. It would be one of the last times they were in the same realm all at once. The death of their parents, the fates that brought out the gods within them, turned Ronan’s relationship with Declan into a tumultuous, resentful brotherhood. 

“If it didn’t happen, we wouldn’t have what we do,” Declan said once.

“What if this isn’t what I want?” Ronan screamed at him, furious at his brother’s insensitivity.

“This is the way it has to be,” Declan explained.

Ronan saw something in his eyes that wasn’t his normal nonchalance regarding these matters, noted the sad lilt in his voice. Ronan let it go after that, retreated to his world after he spent a long while saying goodbye to his younger brother, Matthew. They wouldn’t be able to see each other and the thought tore Ronan in half. He was confident Matthew would be safe- it was himself he worried about and he would miss the youngest of the three.

“Matthew, I will see you again.”

“I know.”

“Take care of yourself, ok?”

“I will,” Matthew smiled, that perpetually innocent expression of his forcing the corners of his to crinkle slightly.

Ronan ruffled his brother’s hair and met Declan’s eyes from a distance. 

“Goodbye, brother.”

Ronan heard his brother’s voice call out for him, but he didn’t turn around. That first night, a storm brewed so furiously, the thunder shook the grounds of the underworld. Ronan thought nothing of his brother’s temper tantrum, only wished he could be in the land of the living to see it.

~

The underworld was a place of endless night. Somber, lonely, always dark, something restless beneath the peace of it. Who could blame anyone for feeling stuck here?

Time didn’t make it any easier, but Ronan handled it with a stiff lip and raised head. He grew accustomed to his circumstances, learned to love the darkness the way it loved him. He often walked alongside the rivers of his world and observed the souls that traveled them. Their fates were decided, but they got lost once in a while and Ronan helped them find their ways back when they did. It was lonely, tiring work.

Like his father, Ronan had the ability to make his dreams a reality. He could pull from them whatever he desired and so he did. From his dreams, he built himself a home in the underworld and not long after, he gave himself a companion of his own.

Chainsaw was her name, a bird that grew from a hatchling into a large raven, black as night and protective of her creator. She was death with a beating heart and black eyes and she watched over Ronan as he watched over his world. When Declan saw the thing Ronan created for himself from his own world, he struck down into the underworld with a force that cracked the ground.

“You are a god now, Ronan. You need to be more responsible.”

“I was born a god,” Ronan dismissed. “And who will know besides me and now you?”

Declan moved so his face was close to Ronan’s. “If you do anything stupid to so much as come close to risking our positions-”

“You’ll what? Kill me yourself?”

Declan didn’t complete his hollow threat. Ronan turned away from him and Declan left in a huff that shook the underworld. Ronan merely smiled at his brother’s rage and held his arm out for Chainsaw to perch. That was the last time Ronan saw his brother. Since then, his life was death and dreams and broken rules.

Noah was a broken rule. Befriending the souls was not just. After all, what might happen if the god of the underworld favored someone evil or let affection cloud his judgment? Noah was different. He was a lost soul, one who died and never moved on. The rivers wouldn’t carry him and he seemed to fair well in the meadow, but while the souls there seemed content, this one seemed out of place. 

“Your name is Noah, isn’t it?” Ronan said once, kept his voice as soft as he could as he broke the rule of not speaking to the dead.

Noah turned around and stared at Ronan with hauntingly pale blue eyes.

“Yes. You can see me?”

“I rule this place,” Ronan said. “I can see everyone.”

“Why am I here?” Noah asked.

“Looks like you’re stuck.”

“Why?”

Ronan felt his sadness, his longing for peace even from a short distance away.

“Nobody knows what happened to you.”

Ronan realized then, that Noah felt. The souls of the asphodel meadows were supposed to spend eternity in emotionless peace, but this one moved through the meadows wishing for more.

“You know, don’t you?”

Noah looked at Ronan again.

“What happened to you, I mean.”

Noah nodded. He reached out to touch Ronan and before Ronan could pull away, cold fingers pressed against his arm. The contact lasted for hardly a second, but Ronan saw Noah’s body, collapsed and bleeding in the woods where nobody could help him. A tear spilled down Ronan’s cheek followed by another, and he stared at the lost soul in front of him. Anger welled up in him in tidal waves that crashed with hopelessness brought on by Noah’s touch. 

“Come with me,” Ronan commanded.

Noah followed and Ronan watched curiously as Noah easily moved through his world.

“This is all wrong.”

“You mean I’m all wrong,” Noah said.

Ronan gave a sad smile and a sniff of laughter. “I suppose I do.”

Noah smiled, too. Ronan had spent his days with Noah ever since. They kept an eye on the rivers together, watched over the world with careful eyes. Ronan learned about the person Noah had been in life from memories Noah shouldn’t have been able to recall after death.

“I wish I could have known that Noah,” Ronan said once.

“Because this one is so terrible?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Ronan assured, smiled at the obvious dramatic tone of Noah’s voice. “You must miss it.”

“I do.”

These days Noah was closer to that version of himself, though still subdued. It seemed the longer he spent in the underworld, the further he strayed from death itself and instead embraced an existence in between. Ronan wanted Noah to find peace, but selfishly wanted him to stay, too. Until the day Noah moved on, he would remain at Ronan’s side. They joked and caused trouble, and Noah reminded Ronan that at his heart, he was young, more than the underworld. 

~

Noah found Ronan on the balcony overlooking the rivers. Ronan looked up at his ghostly form and nodded towards the grounds below.

“Here to jump?”

“Very funny.”

Ronan smirked.

“I’d like to ask a favor, Your Highness,” Noah said.

Ronan hated when Noah called him that, but he could hear the sarcasm so he left it alone.

“What’s that?”

“I want to see the living world.”

“Noah-”

“Just a peek. I remember the sun, but I want to see it again.”

“As sick of the dark as I am,” Ronan said.

Noah nodded agreement.

“It’s too risky,” Ronan warned. “We can’t stay long.”

It was the only rule Ronan didn’t break. The tempt of it was always there, but he didn’t want to remember. He feared what he might do if he let himself miss it too much.

“Now. Before I change my mind,” Ronan said.

Chainsaw screeched above him, a sound that chilled Ronan to his bones. He ignored her and led Noah to the land of the living. It was quiet and warm when they stepped into the sun. Noah outstretched his arms and threw his head back, and Ronan wondered how much of it Noah could truly feel, if it felt the same after death. Ronan closed his eyes and matched Noah’s position. The sun beat down on him, golden and warm, and he memorized the feeling, thought he might be able to bring some of that warmth back home with him.

When Ronan opened his eyes, he saw a figure standing underneath a tree a short distance away. Ronan found he couldn’t look away, and he noted that the other person didn’t either. Ronan swallowed hard and called out for Noah, sighed relief when he found him lying in the grass.

“I missed this,” Noah said happily. “It’s soft.”

Ronan nodded. “We have to go.”

“What? Why?”

“I told you we couldn’t stay long.”

“It hasn’t even been a few minutes.”

“I’m aware. Now let’s go.”

Noah stood reluctantly and followed Ronan back to their world. Ronan checked behind him at the last second and cursed under his breath when the figure remained in place, watchful eyes locked with Ronan’s till he was gone.

~

Ronan paced the halls of his palace the next day. Whoever was underneath that tree saw him and Ronan worried that his little trip might be revealed to his brother.

Ronan kept watch from behind walls, overcome with stress. He needed to know the person, convince him to keep his mouth shut. He left Noah behind the next day, but brought Chainsaw along. She flapped overhead and Ronan had to squint to spot her form against the sky.

“You again.”

Ronan met the eyes of the figure from the other day. Up close, Ronan found it hard to catch his breath. He quickly discovered that this was no person. That golden, sun kissed skin and those eyes as deep as wells couldn’t be those of a mortal.

“Who are you?” Ronan asked.

“I should ask you.”

The stranger took a few steps forward and Ronan watched the grass and flowers he’d just stepped on come to life again in his wake.

“Where is your friend?” The young man asked when Ronan didn’t say anything.

“You saw him?”

“Why wouldn’t I have?”

Ronan shook his head.

“I have to go,” Ronan said then.

Blue eyes met bluer ones and Ronan was stuck between wanting to stay and wanting to never return.

“Will you at least tell me your name next time?”

“Next time,” Ronan agreed.

It seemed the fates decided there would be one, then. Or maybe that was just Ronan wanting to break the rules.

~

Ronan waited. He let hours of quiet calm with Noah pass by and spent the others thinking of blue eyes and sun touched skin. Ronan turned it into a useless, selfish challenge to see how long he could resist visiting the boy again.

“Go,” Noah told him when Ronan kept looking towards the horizon.

“I can’t.”

“That’s never stopped you. All you’re good for is breaking the rules.” 

Ronan grinned, a dangerous sort of smile. “You’re good for nothing but encouraging trouble.”

“That’s why you keep me around.”

Ronan shoved his shoulder against Noah’s and waved him off. He watched Noah wander into the meadows before he made his way to the world above. To Ronan’s disappointment, the field was empty. It was later than usual, but Ronan figured- hoped- there might still be a chance. He waited a while, watched the sun paint the world gold just before the sky turned into a watercolor of pink and orange. A familiar voice caught Ronan’s attention just as he prepared to leave. 

“Ronan,” he said. 

Ronan offered a smile. “Now you’ve gone and ruined the surprise.”

The boy smiled back and Ronan felt hypnotized.

“How did you figure me out?”

“Wasn’t hard.”

“And when do I get to know your name?”

The boy paused. “Adam,” he finally said.

“Adam,” Ronan repeated. “I asked who you were the last time we spoke. If you feel like giving me more than just a name, please do.”

Adam raised an eyebrow at that.

“I might,” Adam said, “but what would I look like consorting with the god of the underworld?”

Adam meant it teasing and Ronan knew that- Adam’s smile was a give away- but it still pulled at his stomach, twisted it into a tight knot.

“What are you the god of?” Ronan asked, successfully stifling the pain he thought might slip.

“What makes you think I’m a god?”

“What makes you think I couldn’t tell?”

Adam looked pleased by the comeback. He led Ronan through the meadow and Ronan watched in awe as flowers bloomed wherever Adam touched. Asters, calendulas, daisies. Too many to list by name, and they blended together to form a colorful scape, even bloomed on the vines that snaked up trees.

“What brings you to this world, Ronan?”

 _You._ “My friend wanted to see it.”

“He can’t move on, can he?”

Ronan nodded. “Have you told anyone?”

Adam shook his head. “What is there to tell?”

“You know I shouldn’t be here.”

“I do know that,” Adam said, “but telling anyone would mean you may not come back. Not quite sure I want to risk that.”

Ronan paused. Adam looked over his shoulder at Ronan and Ronan met his eyes. He jogged to catch up with Adam and longed to reach out and touch him. Something stopped him though, fear he thought. He didn’t know what such darkness might do if it touched the light.

“You must know that befriending one of them is against the rules, then.”

“That’s not my place to judge.”

Ronan’s smile was soft. “I guess it’s not,” he said, and then, “Thank you.”

“You’re going to leave now, aren’t you?”

“I have to. Me being here is against the rules, we both know that.”

“Yes,” Adam agreed. “Will I see you again?”

Ronan smiled at Adam's easy, slick dismissal of the rules of their kind. “Would you like to?”

“Would I ask for another reason?”

Ronan nodded thoughtfully. “A question for a question. Clever,” he noted.

Adam laughed and it was a beautiful thing. If flowers blooming could make a sound, it would be that, Ronan thought. Ronan felt Adam’s eyes on him until the underworld swallowed him up and wondered before he even set foot in his palace when the next time would be. 

~

The world above flourished. Fruits grew fresh and flowers bloomed everywhere, leaves were lush and bright. Ronan admired it, awestruck by its beauty. He’d nearly forgotten what it looked like.

“It’s different where I come from,” Ronan explained as they sat in the shade of a tree. “The meadows are always in bloom and the fruit trees are always full, but it’s nothing like this.”

“You miss this,” Adam observed.

Ronan nodded.

“I’m glad you get to see it then.”

Ronan watched Adam for a moment and chewed his lip thoughtfully. Adam was sitting with his back to the tree and his palms against the ground. The sun shone in spots through the branches, highlighted Adam’s freckles, the smoothness of his skin, the strands of hair that were lighter than the others thanks to a lot of time spent outside.

“It’s not all I come to see.”

Adam met Ronan’s eyes and Ronan thought he saw Adam’s cheeks flush, figured it could have just been the heat. Adam looked from Ronan to the sky above.

“You’ll come back then?”

“Of course I will,” Ronan said. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“You’re scared,” Adam said.

Fear. Ronan knew it well enough, but learned to never feel it. Adam was right though. What Ronan was scared of, Adam might not know.

“I’ll come back.”

“I hope so.”

“Is that to say you miss me when I’m not around?”

Adam narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips, but his feigned annoyance didn’t last. A smile broke through and Ronan thought it might be brighter than the sun that warmed them. Adam flattened his palm against the earth and flowers bloomed in a trail that blazed from where his skin touched the ground to as far as Ronan could see before the glare of the sun became blinding. Ronan played with the sea of flowers, grazed the petals with his palm. He froze when Adam’s hand brushed against his own and swallowed nervously, drew his hand away.

“Tomorrow,” Ronan promised.

Adam watched him with a heaviness in his gaze that thrilled Ronan and deeply saddened him.

“I’ll be waiting,” Adam told him.

“I know.”

~

Ronan returned as promised, but not until long after the sunset. Adam must have known because he was there in the meadow staring at the sky. As Ronan drew closer, he noticed Adam looked tired, looked back at him through heavy, puffy eyes. Ronan sat down across from him and shook his head.

“I’m nothing to lose sleep over.”

Adam sniffed a laugh. “You usually come earlier.”

“I couldn’t sleep.” 

Adam nodded. Ronan felt the chill of dew against his fingertips when he touched the grass. A flower bloomed and closed against the tip of Ronan’s index finger, the white petals like velvet against his skin. There was still a while before the sun showed its face and fireflies danced through the air, lit the quiet world beneath the moonlight before it woke up itself.

“It’s peaceful, isn’t it?” Adam said.

Ronan was left in a daze staring at the glowing insects twinkling like earthly stars.

“It’s beautiful.”

Ronan met Adam’s eyes and he realized Adam was already watching him.

“I like it better with you in it.”

Ronan opened his mouth to speak, but whatever he intended to say slipped away from him. Adam looked slightly more awake now, like his own words alerted him. Ronan’s hand found Adam’s among the flowers and Adam sighed, a soft, sweet breath that eased his shoulders.

Ronan thought he might be touching flower petals again, but it turned out Adam’s hands were just that soft. The backs of them at least, and the very tips of his fingers. His palms were calloused from time outside, but Ronan liked the feel of Adam’s skin against his either way. Adam watched Ronan play with his hand, measure their fingers against each other, slide them together and then apart. Ronan lifted Adam’s hand to his cheek and brought Adam’s thumb near his mouth.

“You’re not so afraid anymore,” Adam observed.

“Impatience got in the way,” Ronan said.

Ronan kept his eyes on Adam’s when he kissed his thumb right on the pad of it, mouth barely parted. Adam stroked Ronan’s lower lip and reached out with his free hand, rested it on Ronan’s neck, and Ronan searched Adam’s eyes. Fear rose in his throat, but the need for this, the hunger overcame it just for a moment.

“You should hate me,” Ronan said, regaining control.

“Why is that?”

“Everything I am, where I come from- it’s the exact opposite of you.”

“And that means I should hate you?”

“Hate me, fear me. Something like that.”

Ronan watched Adam, waited for him to come to his senses. Adam bowed his head and looked up at Ronan from a sweep of lashes Ronan wanted to touch, brush his fingers over them and the cheeks they shadowed with every blink.

“Do you say that because the others feel that way or because you’re scared?”

“What is it you think I’m so afraid of?”

“I don’t know,” Adam shrugged. “Everything but the dark,” he guessed.

Ronan laughed and Adam smiled at him. Ronan’s expression fell again and he stared at Adam, let his gaze fall to Adam’s lips for a second before he looked up again.

“We both know we shouldn’t,” Ronan said, and hoped the sadness he felt so deeply he physically ached didn’t show on his face.

“You’re right, but you want to, don’t you?”

“You have no idea how badly.”

“I have some idea,” Adam smiled, but his expression quickly fell serious. “Don’t leave until you’ve gotten what you want.”

Adam shifted to pull away, but Ronan caught his wrists and held them in place against his own neck. Their noses brushed and Ronan felt like the whole world paused and waited, breath held in anticipation. It settled when Ronan’s lips brushed Adam’s. Even Adam’s mouth was like a flower, velvety soft to the touch, and he tasted of the fruit he picked off trees and the fragrant juice that Ronan often watched drip over Adam’s hands. It was as calm and quiet as the night, their kiss, and then it was a storm, crashing and dangerous and thrilling. It was electric, it was scary and beautiful and Ronan felt every hair on his body stand on end.

When he opened his eyes, Adam was in his lap, flowers lit by the moon staring up at him wanting to feel him again as much as Ronan did. The silver moonlight accented Adam’s delicate features, set a halo around his head, turned his eyes to deep pools that Ronan wanted to drown in. Adam’s gentle, bony hands held Ronan’s face and Ronan tilted slightly, basked in the warmth that seemed to radiate from Adam’s palms.

“Well now I don’t want you to leave at all.”

Ronan laughed softly and Adam joined in. Adam dropped his forehead against Ronan’s and Ronan nudged back against the touch, let his mouth catch on Adam’s.

“Stay a while,” Adam said when they broke apart. “At least till sunrise.”

“I haven’t seen one of those in a long time.”

“More reason to stay.”

“With or without the sunrise, you are the only reason I need.”

Adam kissed Ronan harder, pushed him backward with the force of it. Ronan palmed at Adam’s back, held him in place, and kissed back with the same fervor. Adam was warm under Ronan’s hands, soft and a little sweaty from the nervous anticipation that burned between them.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Yes,” Adam said against Ronan’s mouth.

“I think I wanted to kiss you from the moment we first spoke.”

“And yet you waited so long.”

Ronan smiled. “Well what about you?”

“I didn’t want to scare you away.” 

Ronan pulled Adam closer, though the space between them was already nonexistent.

“I didn’t know what me being what I am might do to you,” Ronan explained. “I thought I would hurt you or ruin what you are.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you did.”

Adam grabbed Ronan’s hand and guided Ronan to flatten it against his thigh. Adam led Ronan’s hand from there to his stomach and Ronan felt Adam tighten under his touch. Nerves, maybe. Excitement. Adam brought Ronan’s hand higher, over his chest and against his heart, then to his mouth.

“You won’t hurt me,” Adam told Ronan confidently. “Our kind think you are a monster and the mortals fear you, but not me.”

“No?”

“You are not soulless like they think.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Well this right now, for one thing,” Adam smiled and shook his head. “Always trying to be witty. And your spirit friend among plenty of things.”

Ronan watched as Adam kissed his fingers, his knuckles, the heel of his palm. Ronan thumbed at Adam’s lip, nearly pushed between his lips, but held himself back. Adam dipped to kiss Ronan again and Ronan was thankful, thought they’d spent too much time not doing this. Ronan committed every detail of Adam to memory. His skin touched by moonlight, his sinful mouth and honest eyes. They kissed till the world changed from shades of deep blue to the pale colors of dawn. Adam moved to climb off Ronan’s lap, but Ronan shook his head.

“Stay,” he said.

With Adam’s arms around him, Ronan watched the sun replace the moon and it reminded him of the two of them, existing separately for all but a few stolen moments. As the moon sank, the sun glowed red in the distance. Ronan felt Adam’s eyes on him and when the sky shone in blue and gold, he turned his attention back to the boy in his lap.

“You missed it,” Ronan told Adam.

“I wanted to watch you see it.”

“Will you wait for me tonight?”

“Of course. I just don’t want you to go yet.”

“I know,” Ronan said, and kissed Adam like if he didn’t all the oxygen would leave his lungs.

Ronan had no idea how he’d ever lived without this, how he’d gone so long resisting. The sun was high and the flowers around them wide open by the time they pulled apart. Ronan’s body felt warm where Adam’s hands had touched him, like the thrum of his pulse embedded itself in Ronan.

“Tonight,” Adam said.

Ronan nodded and regretfully walked away. Before his shadows pulled him back home, he turned back and ran to Adam, caught him in a smiling kiss.

“Troublesome,” Adam laughed. “Go. See you tonight.”

Ronan smiled brightly and let himself be taken this time. Noah was waiting for him when he walked into the palace and his smile only grew. Ronan was excited to tell his friend about Adam, about how even night in the living world was unimaginably beautiful.

Ronan abruptly stopped as he called out his friend’s name. His brother stepped into view and Ronan felt his joy seep from his body and leave a cruel, angry thing in its wake.

“What are you doing here?”

“Wondering what _you_ are doing _there_ ,” Declan said with a stiff nod and his eyes up.

“Doesn’t seem like any of your concern.”

“You forget that all of this is mine,” Declan said with a sweep of his hand.

“No,” Ronan spat. “I haven’t forgotten a thing, but maybe you have. This is mine,” he hissed. “You don’t care about the dead, you are not the ruler of this world.”

“And you do?”

“Do not question me.”

“Then learn your place,” Declan shouted.

“You need to learn yours,” Ronan shot back venomously. “Leave.”

“You do not command me-”

“You forget where you are,” Ronan said with a flick of his fingers.

Shadows rose around him and cold settled around them like a blanket. The rivers flowed harshly and at the gates, three heads roared in unison.

“Leave,” Ronan repeated, voice quietly sinister.

Declan was gone before Ronan could tell him again. He stared at his feet, sunk to the ground with his head hung low. He looked up when he noticed movement in his peripheral vision and he swallowed hard, cleared his throat to make sure his voice didn’t break when he spoke.

“Hello, Noah.”

Noah stayed where he stood. “I’ve never seen you like that before.”

Ronan’s laugh was an unamused, tired sound. “Sorry you finally did.”

Noah remained silent. Ronan retreated to his room and sat on the balcony that overlooked the rivers, felt the thunder of a wicked storm shake the earth even in his realm. In his palace as dark as the world around him, Ronan slunk into his chambers and counted down the minutes until he left to see Adam again.

~

“Ronan, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Noah combed nervous fingers through his long, messy hair. Ronan didn’t get a chance to tell Noah about his night with Adam and didn’t see the point now.

“Maybe it’s not,” Ronan shrugged.

“Ronan-”

“Mind your place, Noah.”

Noah shrunk back and Ronan rolled his eyes. “Look, I’m not stupid,” Ronan said, training his voice to be less harsh.

“Sometimes I wonder.”

“I have my brother to lecture me, ok? I don’t need you to do the same when he’s not around.”

“I just want you to be careful.”

“Yes, mother.”

Noah shook his head. Ronan made him promise to keep an eye on things while he was gone and like always, Noah swore it. The world shook around him and Ronan was in the world of the living again. It was pouring rain, but the grounds were lush, drinking in the storm to color the world when it was over. Ronan found Adam taking shelter from the rain beneath a tree. As he got closer he lost sight of Adam, had to dip and bend underneath the tangle of branches and leaves before he found him again.

“Someone is not pleased that you’re here,” Adam said. 

He met Ronan halfway, swiped his thumb against Ronan’s cheek where a raindrop settled on his skin. Ronan held Adam’s hand where it rested against his face and met Adam’s eyes.

“I don’t care.”

Ronan cut off his own breath with a kiss, stole the air he needed from Adam. Adam pulled when Ronan pushed and they ended up against the tree, Ronan’s mouth refusing to part from Adam’s. They kissed the way the rain fell, hard and fast, a little messy. Adam caught Ronan’s face between his hands and held him in place, broke the kiss only to mouth at his neck and jaw before he found Ronan’s lips again.

“Adam,” Ronan called when their mouths separated again.

It was all he could manage. A name, a breath, a kiss, all from one eager mouth. Ronan felt lost in him, knew nothing but Adam’s lips, his hands, his skin. Adam’s lips were electric and kissing him made Ronan understand why the flowers longed and bloomed for him, why the sun seemed to brighten in his presence. Ronan drew away to kiss wherever he saw fit and marveled at the sweet saltiness of Adam’s skin. Adam’s breaths were heavy and his voice soft when he called Ronan’s name in a plea. Ronan’s knees hit the ground beneath him and sunk into the wet dirt and his fingers clung to Adam’s hips. Ronan kissed new skin, stared up at his disheveled god as he branded him with lips bitten pink.

Ronan could feel the tension in Adam’s stomach, wondered if the same heat pooled in Adam the way it did in himself. Ronan uncovered Adam with gentle hands and Adam nodded at him when he paused and looked up with questioning eyes.

“They can’t see us here,” Adam assured him.

Ronan planted kisses below Adam’s navel, dragged his nose through the light dusting of hair that trailed downward, pulled at Adam’s hips and Adam let him. Ronan was in awe of him. Adam reached for Ronan’s hand and held it tight, and Ronan squeezed back as he sucked a mark as red as a rose into Adam’s hip. Satisfied with his work, Ronan turned his attention elsewhere. He let go of Adam’s hand only to get himself situated, eagerly took Adam in his mouth. He felt Adam’s every breath, heard him fumble over his own sounds. Ronan’s mouth worked tenderly first, then harder as the tension inside Adam grew. Ronan could see he was close, dragged it out and when Adam laughed over a moan at Ronan’s obvious teasing, Ronan felt like he was falling.

Adam finally let go with his grip tight on Ronan’s hand and Ronan’s mouth still on him. Ronan felt the release, watched from under his lashes as Adam came undone for him. Ronan kissed the mess away, nuzzled against Adam’s stomach and rose from the ground to map kisses from Adam’s thigh up his torso and finally to his mouth. Adam’s mouth moved languidly and Ronan began to wonder if he’d dreamed this, took a moment with his head against Adam’s shoulder to remind himself this was in fact reality. Ronan shifted and Adam held tight when he spoke.

“Please, not yet,” Adam said softly. “Don’t go yet.”

“No, I wasn’t leaving,” Ronan said hurriedly.

Adam nodded and Ronan noted the relief in his expression. “Good.”

Adam punctuated his sentiment with a kiss and Ronan opened his mouth to Adam, dug hungry fingers into Adam’s hair, kept his other arm snaked around Adam’s waist. Long after the rain stopped, they held onto one another, stole kisses and breath from the other’s lips. When Adam broke away, it was to lead Ronan into the meadow. The rain brought the land to life. Even in the dull, cloud covered light of the moon, Ronan could see that when the sun rose again, the ground would be a rainbow.

Adam led him to a fruit tree and they ate together, unbothered by the wet ground they sat on. Ronan pushed Adam backwards as soon as he finished to kiss fruit juice off his lip and chin, took advantage of the moment to mouth at his neck and Adam’s laughter brought flowers to full bloom in Ronan’s stomach.

Not long after that they sat in comfortable silence. Ronan sat with his back to Adam’s chest and Adam’s legs cradled him, his arms over Ronan’s shoulders. Ronan watched as Adam lined their fingers up, held them palm to palm. They watched the sunrise together, Adam’s chin on Ronan’s shoulder, clothes stained with mud and skin stained with kisses. Ronan began to doze, but he shook himself awake. When he stood up, he could hardly take the look in Adam’s eyes.

“I hate this part,” Ronan said.

“I do, too. Will you come back soon?”

Ronan nodded. “I’ll miss you until then.”

“I know you will,” Adam smiled playfully.

Ronan let their heads knock together and he spared one kiss. Adam stroked a gentle hand against Ronan’s jaw and nodded towards the scape in front of them.

“Go. Before you get in trouble.”

“I think we’re already deep in it,” Ronan said, eyes searching Adam’s. He meant more than trouble and he wondered if Adam picked up on it.

“I think we are,” Adam said, head down and eyes cast up.

Ronan smiled and fell into shadows.

~

The sun rose and set over and over above ground and Ronan did not leave the underworld. Fear caught up with him and he loathed it. What would happen to Adam if Ronan took him? What if his feelings changed? What if Ronan hurt him? Questions circled through Ronan’s head, plagued him when he lied sleepless in his bed, nagged at him as he kept watch over the realm. 

Ronan walked the riverside with Noah, watched boats carry souls wherever himself and their fates decided they should go. He offered no information, afraid that certain ears might be listening. If certain eyes watched, they didn’t need his verbal confirmation, but when Noah so much as asked about it, Ronan bursted with happiness.

“How’s your living friend?”

Ronan smiled, but kept his head tilted toward the ground. “You know he’s not my friend.”

“Never would have guessed,” Noah smiled.

“He’s good,” Ronan answered. 

“Why haven’t you gone to see him?”

Ronan’s smile faded. He stared at his reflection in the water as they passed, out at the horizon. Darkness surrounded him. The water rushed by nearly black in its depths and fire blazed almost entirely blue.

“Because I’m afraid that I’ll take him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not supposed to take from the living world. My realm is this, what is mine is what’s here and he belongs there, but I want to take him,” Ronan confessed, guiltily quiet.

“What would happen if you did?”

“Nothing good,” Ronan shook his head.

Chainsaw flew overhead, lower than usual to keep a good eye on Ronan. He stared up at her as her black wings scraped the air and then looked to Noah.

“Go,” Noah said. “Just try not to do anything stupid.”

Ronan knew what needed to do. He knew what words should be said and which ones shouldn’t, but the moment he laid eyes on Adam, it nearly went out the window. Adam was pacing through his meadow where the flowers swayed with his movements. Ronan went to him and Adam met him halfway, reached out to touch him.

“I thought you weren’t coming back, maybe you’d changed your mind,” Adam said.

The words tumbled out of him and Ronan caught Adam’s wrists in his hands before Adam could touch him.

“Ronan?”

“Adam, we can’t- I can’t do this with you anymore.”

Adam’s eyes went wide and Ronan dropped his gaze from them in a hurry. He didn’t let go of Adam’s wrists nor did Adam try to pull away.

“Why?”

“It’s too risky,” Ronan lied. Every word he said sunk in him like a brick, hurt to say as much as it might have hurt to hear. “It’s not worth the trouble either of us might get into because of it.”

“You’re lying.”

“No, Adam.”

“Look at me,” Adam said fiercely.

Ronan did and Adam shook his head. This time, he did pull away, but only to cup either side of Ronan’s neck. His thumbs lined up with Ronan’s jaw and Ronan turned away, avoided Adam’s eyes.

“You are lying,” Adam said. “Tell me the truth, what is it?”

“This is never going to work the way we want,” Ronan said sadly.

Adam found Ronan’s gaze and locked in. “But you knew that all along.”

“And we’ve let it go too far.”

Adam wrenched his hands away and Ronan’s eyes went wide, his jaw fell open. Adam took a step back and Ronan took one forward, but Adam stopped him before he could take another.

“I believed you when you said you didn’t want to hurt me,” Adam said quietly, just a notch above a whisper.

“I didn’t Adam, I don’t.”

Ronan ached just looking at Adam. His eyes were watery at the rims and his mouth pulled down at the corners, and he looked like he didn’t know what to do with his hands. Their eyes met again and Ronan felt stones form in his throat, tried to swallow them down.

“If that’s all you came here to say, you can go now.”

Ronan’s heart sank. Adam didn’t look at him, kept his eyes on the flowers that reached for him, wanted to ease his pain. Ronan wanted to kiss him, tell him he was sorry, kiss him again and again till they were dizzy and had swollen lips. Ronan managed a quiet, broken apology and he nearly whimpered when his words brought a tear down Adam’s cheek.

“Just go,” Adam sighed.

There were shadows and shaking ground and Ronan was home. Sure he was alone, Ronan let go of the scream that tore at his throat and the sound that left him was enough to scare Chainsaw into the air. 

~

Ronan paced behind his walls. Every time he closed his eyes he remembered the terrible hurt in Adam’s eyes, how guarded he became so quickly. Ronan needed to leave it alone for the sake of the two of them, he needed to not break the rules to avoid breaking anything else. He needed to fix it, he needed to find Adam and never let him go.

It would be the middle of the night when he walked above ground again, but he didn’t care. He left his world behind and strode under the moon through the empty meadow. Flowers bowed away from Ronan like they recognized him and a breeze blew warm against his skin. As he walked further than he’d ever gone, passed the fruit trees and the one that kept them out of the rain, he spotted a wooded area looming in the distance. It was darker there, shaded by tall trees. Flowers blossomed from them, white and blue ones that left a sweet fragrance in the air.

Ronan walked further in and sighed deeply when he finally found what he was looking for. Branches broke and twisted almost unnaturally to form a bed of sorts in between them. Flowered vines twisted around the space and at its center was Adam.

As Ronan got closer, he noticed Adam was asleep. It was a short climb up, but Ronan kept his feet on the ground, rested his chin against the bark and watched Adam.

“Maybe you’ll remember my voice when you wake up,” Ronan whispered. “I’m so sorry, Adam. I got scared of what this is, what it could do-”

Ronan paused when Adam shifted. He rolled onto his side and opened his eyes, and Ronan felt like the ground opened beneath him and swallowed him whole.

“You came back.”

“Would you like me to leave?"

“No. Not ever.”

Ronan stared up at him and Adam stared back, eyes wondrous, alight with the glow of the moon.

“Have you come to tell me the truth?”

“You didn’t hear.”

“I woke up at ‘what this could do’.”

Ronan considered his words, what he might have said had Adam remained asleep. He skipped to the point, instead.

“Adam, I want to take you.” 

“Take me,” Adam repeated, tired and unsure.

“Steal you,” Ronan explained. “Take you with me, away from your home.”

“You’re not supposed to take anything with you. Only the dead enter your world, but even then you do not collect them.”

Ronan nodded solemnly. Adam sat up and leaned towards Ronan, brushed his fingers against the apple of Ronan’s cheek.

“Take me then. You thought I wouldn’t want you to?”

“My home is much different than yours,” Ronan told him. “You are meant to be here and I am meant to be there.”

“I think I’m meant to be where you are,” Adam said. 

Ronan had no argument prepared for that. He pulled himself up when Adam craned down and they met halfway. Ronan cupped Adam’s cheek and Adam leaned into his touch, pressed his mouth to Ronan’s palm.

“You’ve already taken me, Ronan. Can’t you see that?”

Ronan wordlessly thumbed at Adam’s lip. Adam joined him on level ground and looked up to where streaks of moonlight shone through leaves.

“Every time you leave I wish you’d take me with you,” Adam admitted. “If not that, then I at least wish you could stay with me.”

“You think you’re meant to be where I am, but it seems fate says otherwise.”

“Then we make our own. We are gods after all.”

“It would be selfish,” Ronan said unconvincingly.

“Be selfish then. It is not who you are and I know that. You are good, Ronan, you are not what the others think,” Adam reminded him. “I want you to be selfish with me,” Adam said over a breath.

Ronan shifted so that his body pinned Adam’s against his sleeping tree. He teased touch, let their lips catch and release, and then Adam closed the gap. Ronan’s heart pounded furiously in his chest and they kissed with a force that told Ronan they’d both missed this deeply. Ronan felt himself giving in to their shared desires, felt Adam’s own heart beating just as hard.

_We are gods after all._

Adam kissed Ronan with a tenderness that made Ronan ache. Adam clung to him desperately and Ronan kissed apologies on whatever skin the lack of space between them allowed him to reach. Adam's eyes fluttered closed and his mouth fell open when Ronan kissed his neck and Ronan nudged his nose against Adam’s jaw, spoke so his words fanned over Adam’s skin.

“Come with me.”

“I will.”

“You’ll leave this behind?” Ronan asked.

“What wouldn’t I do?”

Ronan caught Adam’s mouth. He twined his fingers with Adam’s, admired their delicacy, brushed his thumb over a bone that protruded from Adam’s wrist at a certain angle.

“I'll come back for you,” Ronan told him. “I want you to think about it.”

“Promise me.”

Ronan stared into Adam’s eyes and kept his focus there when he said, “I swear.”

Adam considered for a moment and then nodded acceptance.

“Stay tonight,” Adam said.

“Is there room up there for two?”

Adam’s smile lit the world. He climbed up first and Ronan followed close behind, settled in between Adam’s legs. Ronan traced patternless shapes onto Adam’s knee before he joined their hands, brought Adam’s fingers to his mouth. Every so often, Ronan tilted his head back and Adam happily offered him a kiss each time. They were a twist of limbs until the sky began to lighten. Ronan left with the moon and promised Adam again that he would come back.

“You have my trust,” Adam said sweetly in between kisses. “Don’t break it again.”

~

Ronan returned above ground when the sun was out. Golden hour it seemed, and Adam took his breath away the moment Ronan laid eyes on him. He was golden himself, from his hair to his skin to the freckles that marked his cheeks. Ronan didn’t think something so beautiful, so clearly made up of sunlight, belonged in his world. Here he was, prepared to let darkness take Adam with him anyway.

“Ronan,” Adam greeted. “I don’t think I need to say that I haven’t changed my mind.”

“I didn’t think so.”

“Do you still want to take me?”

“More than anything,” Ronan confessed.

The tickle he felt in his gut was that of broken rules and Adam’s mouth on him, but neither of those things were happening. Not yet.

Ronan took careful steps towards Adam. Their hands found each other magnetically and Ronan felt a chill run through him as soon as they touched. When they stood without speaking, without Ronan making a single move, Adam drew closer.

“Take me, my love.”

Ronan’s heart paused and wings that couldn’t be those of butterflies flapped hard in his stomach. As quickly as Ronan had come, he was gone and when he walked back into the underworld, Adam walked beside him. 

~

Ronan watched Adam become enamored with his world. He listened to Ronan speak intently, always wanted to know more. Ronan felt alive with Adam’s eyes on him, never cared much about the stories he had to offer until he had Adam to tell them to.

“You love this place like anyone else loves their home,” Adam said.

“Only when I don’t hate it.”

Adam’s mouth curved into a smile and Ronan ached. There was nothing Ronan wouldn’t do for that smile, a scaled down sun to lighten the world below. He would lose the underworld for it, he might lose anything if it meant keeping that perfect creature with his perfect smile.

Ronan walked Adam through the asphodel meadows and just as the flowers above ground, the asphodels bloomed for him with ease. Ronan watched as Adam turned his attention to a stray shade, followed it with his eyes as it moved through the flowers.

“That one is new,” Ronan said.

“Is it- did they find peace then? If they are here in the meadow?”

Ronan nodded.

He led Adam away and they walked along the river instead. Chainsaw flew above them and Ronan was happy to see that she grew fond of Adam straight away. They both turned to look behind them when they heard footsteps, but nobody was there.

“I know it’s you, Noah. Who else would it be?”

“You would lose it if it was your brother,” Noah challenged, suddenly visible.

“Don’t joke about it,” Ronan warned.

“Hello, Adam,” Noah said cheerfully.

“Noah,” Adam smiled. “Hope you’re not letting this grump get to you.”

“You’re supposed to be on my side,” Ronan pouted.

He wrapped his arms around Adam’s waist and Adam laughed when Ronan’s breath warmed his neck. Noah quietly shook his head and warned them to be careful before he left them alone on their walk. They strolled aimlessly and Ronan watched as new life peeked up at the from the ground, too fresh for a full bloom and not likely to grow without sun on them.

They found their way back to the palace eventually and Ronan led Adam to his room. It felt dark and empty when Ronan was alone in it, but with Adam it brightened, felt more like home than it ever did. It was dark like everything else in Ronan’s world, but his dreams allowed it to be a little more.

His bed was too much for one person, but it was practically the only thing in the room. It was wonderfully luxurious, covered with blankets of black silk and wool for cold, sleepless nights. Heavy black curtains hung over the windows to keep out prying eyes and the bed was thinly veiled for extra safekeeping. Though Ronan made it himself, he sometimes hated it. It looked as secluded as it was, and he couldn’t help but feel the usual lonesome darkness creep in as he moved towards it. Adam’s fingers against his called him back and reminded him that he wasn’t alone this time.

“You’ll stay tonight?”

“You’ve asked me every night so far,” Adam said.

Ronan shrugged. “You could change your mind.”

“I won’t. Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Why is it so… drapey in here?”

“You know how watchful our kind tend to be.”

“I do,” Adam agreed.

“I had little to hide in here until you,” Ronan said.

Adam tilted his chin up in a thoughtful nod. “And what will you do now that you’ve hidden me?”

Ronan’s eyebrows raised and he could hardly help the flirtatious grin that stretched across his face.

“I’d rather show you,” Ronan said.

Adam mirrored his smile. Ronan teased a kiss, watched Adam’s eyes shut and lips pucker, and he smiled as he breezed away. Adam opened his eyes and narrowed them at Ronan, but Ronan kissed them closed again, peppered Adam’s face with playful kisses. Adam caught himself from stumbling with his hands on Ronan’s shoulders and he slid them up to Ronan’s neck when Ronan’s kisses tickled his cheeks.

It wasn’t purposeful when their lips met, but Ronan didn’t mind and he could guess Adam was more than happy with how they ended up. Ronan rubbed up Adam’s back and Adam clung to him, fingers splayed against his neck as they stumbled together towards the bed. Ronan effortlessly lifted Adam into his arms and smiled at the pleased gasp that fell from Adam’s lips when his feet left the floor.

Ronan walked till he felt the bed against his legs, pushed through the canopy’s opening with Adam still in his arms. He laid Adam down and kissed him hungrily, steadied Adam with a hand against his cheek. Their lips crashed hotly, moved like the tides, a push and pull that drowned them both.

Ronan drew away from Adam’s mouth and Adam whimpered at the broken contact. Ronan longed to hear that sound again, but kept his attention on the task at hand. Ronan kissed Adam all over, open lips against his neck, his chest, his stomach. Adam lifted off the bed to get closer and Ronan watched him from where his mouth pressed to his hip. He was beautiful like this, with his hungry eyes and waiting mouth, skin hot underneath Ronan’s touch.

Part of Ronan thought beauty like this should go untouched, kept in pristine condition and be admired from afar. The other part wanted him in ruins. Adam sat up to catch Ronan in a kiss and Ronan forced him backwards again, kept their lips connected all the while. Adam’s gentle hands moved with rough intention and Ronan shuddered when Adam pressed his palms against Ronan’s hips, rubbed up and around to pull Ronan closer. Ronan pulled at the fabric that covered Adam’s frame and Adam sat up to help Ronan along. Ronan undressed in a hurry and Adam laughed against his mouth.

“Desperate,” Adam teased.

“Only because it’s you.”

Ronan didn’t give Adam time to respond, stole the breath from his lips in a hard kiss. Adam’s exploratory hands on Ronan’s skin was a welcome, thrilling thing. Ronan dotted Adam’s body with open mouthed kisses, paid special attention to his neck when Adam begged for it. Careful hands grew hungry and slow, easy kisses drew out, turned heavy and messy. Bare skin on skin made Ronan dizzy and he collected himself with his head against Adam’s chest, legs slotted and breathing hard and quick.

Adam hooked a leg against Ronan’s and guided him up for a kiss. Ronan’s heart threatened to beat through his chest and he kissed Adam with insatiable need, felt Adam’s burning skin beneath his hands and wanted more. In the space of a few moments, two bodies became one. They moved in perfect synchrony, hands and mouths caught and bodies warm to the touch. Ronan was lost in it, felt like his body wasn’t his anymore, belonged solely to Adam and his life breathing hands.

Adam’s breath came in sharp, broken bursts, and Ronan craved the sounds that escaped with every breath, caught them in his mouth. They fit like they were made for this, for one another, and no space between them still wasn’t close enough. Ronan worked harder when Adam dug his fingers into Ronan’s shoulders, smiled against Adam’s mouth when Adam was overcome with what he felt.

Ronan let Adam roll them over and was ecstatic to end up with Adam in his lap. They became seamless, four legs and four arms tangled, a being that breathed with the air stolen from another’s mouth. Ronan kissed sweat from Adam’s neck, yearned for that salty sweetness. They held each other tight, kissed over and over, came apart in each other’s arms barely seconds apart. Ronan saw stars and then he saw Adam. Adam and his kiss swollen lips, his skin golden with a sheen of sweat, eyes bright and tired at once. Spent, he slumped with his head against Ronan’s shoulder and Ronan trailed fingers up and down his vertebrae.

Adam gathered up his energy quickly enough. He picked his head up to kiss Ronan senseless, followed an easy back and forth from Ronan’s mouth to his neck. Ronan caught Adam with his hands on either side of his face to keep him in place and Adam found his mouth. Their tongues moved in lazy sweeps and Ronan was in no hurry to separate, didn’t mind the sticky coolness of Adam’s skin against his. Ronan kissed Adam’s jaw when they broke apart for a second and watched as Adam melted in his arms, tilted his head back for Ronan to do as he pleased. He kissed Adam’s neck only once before he picked his head up to admire his view. Adam opened his eyes at the lack of contact and a tired smile pulled at the corners of his lips.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Trying to figure out if this is a dream,” Ronan said.

Adam tilted Ronan’s head back with gentle hands on his cheeks and Ronan slid his fingers in between Adam’s, guided Adam to lock his arms over Ronan’s shoulders. The kiss they shared was warm and slow, and Ronan was lost in the tenderness of Adam’s every touch. Ronan pulled away and carded gentle fingers through Adam’s hair, swept loose, curly strands away from his forehead.

“Can I tell you something?” Ronan asked.

“Please,” Adam answered.

“You know Chainsaw, my raven?”

Adam nodded.

“She isn’t natural born.”

“What do you mean?”

“I dreamt her,” Ronan explained. “I can pull my dreams from my sleep and make them real.” When Adam didn’t speak, Ronan continued. “I never thought that someone like you- something like this- could be reality. You are more than what a dream could ever give me.”

Ronan searched Adam’s eyes. He was thoughtfully silent for a moment and then he nuzzled his nose against Ronan’s, planted one gentle kiss on Ronan’s mouth.

“You could dream anything and you still say that,” Adam smiled.

“It’s the truth.”

Ronan’s mouth met Adams. His tongue coaxed open Adam’s mouth and Adam palmed Ronan’s neck, pushed closer. Ronan drew away only to kiss the freckles that dotted Adam’s cheeks, brush his lips from one to the next. Their kisses grew slow and lazy and Ronan kissed Adam’s closed eyes before they drew away from one another to slip under the covers. Ronan clung to Adam even in sleep and when he woke up after just a few hours of peaceful rest, Adam was still sound asleep. He was spread out half on top of Ronan, hair a messy halo around his head. Ronan committed every wondrous detail of Adam to memory and realized in a blink that the eternity he wanted was in his bed breathing warm puffs of air. 

Adam shifted and Ronan took advantage to do the same, watched Adam come to. He gave Ronan a sleepy, squinty eyed smile and his voice held the gravel of heavy rest when he spoke.

“My dreamer,” Adam greeted. “Sleep well?”

Ronan nodded. Adam shifted closer to him, pushed their bodies together under the covers. Ronan welcomed it with open arms and a content sigh once Adam settled.

“It’s cold,” he said softly.

“Tends to be.”

“I can get used to it,” Adam shrugged.

“Can you?”

“Yes.”

“Will you then?”

Adam looked up, head tilted in confusion. Ronan brushed gentle fingers over a constellation of light freckles below Adam’s eye and said, “I want you to stay.”

“Do you?” Adam smiled.

“I want this always,” Ronan said.

“As much as I do, I imagine.”

Ronan offered a small smile and pressed his mouth to Adam’s. They woke up each other’s bodies with kisses planted anywhere and warm hands all over, and the flowers that bloomed in Ronan’s heart twisted vines around his ribs and blossomed brighter.

~

The rivers flowed into the depths of the underworld as Ronan overlooked them with Adam at his side. Noah accompanied them nearly everywhere and Ronan caught him fawning over the new flowers that blossomed in their world thanks to Adam. Noah would pick them and stroke the petals, rub them against his cheeks. Ronan kept a watchful eye on the dark blooms. Everything that grew stuck to the spectrum of the underworld, black dahlias and baccara roses, flora of deep blues and purples. Ronan spotted more brightly colored flowers few and far between, but Adam’s ever present gardens were a welcome thing regardless, a burst of life in a world otherwise dead.

The threesome sat beneath the branches of a fruit tree and Noah toted with the vine that curled around one of its lower branches, brushed his index finger over closed flowers in excitement for what they would grow into. Petals rained down over them when Noah climbed up and shook another branch and Adam smiled at the sight, caught himself before Ronan’s kiss could knock him back into the ground.

As they kissed under new growth and breathed life into one another’s mouths, Ronan felt a flower wilt above ground and the weight of its falling petals sink in his bones.

~

Death never looked so alive. The shades of the asphodel meadows had new flowers to roam through and jewel toned flora grew alongside the rivers. Ronan was happy to see that the underworld could not kill Adam’s gift. They sat on the balcony and watched souls get carried down the nearly black waters of the rivers. 

“My world is beautiful with you in it,” Ronan said. 

“It was beautiful before me,” Adam said. “It’s nothing like where I come from, but that doesn’t make it less than.”

“Death is not beautiful,” Ronan said sadly.

“You make it so.”

“You give me too much credit,” Ronan smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes.

“You do,” Adam insisted. 

Ronan sighed and leaned into Adam, rested his chin on Adam’s shoulder. Adam twisted a little to kiss Ronan on the mouth and Ronan only wished it lasted longer.

“Would you tell me if you were tired of it?”

“Of what, this?”

“Being here,” Ronan answered. “In my world, the way it is.”

“Being tired of this would mean I would be tired of you,” Adam told him. “I could never feel that way.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“I don’t think you would,” Ronan agreed. “But you could have a change of heart.”

“You _are_ my heart,” Adam argued.

Ronan brushed his nose against Adam’s and cradled his cheek, stroked his thumb over Adam’s mouth.

“And you’re mine.”

~

Adam took a liking to the fields of the underworld. Ronan figured it reminded Adam of home and when he asked as much, Adam agreed.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be here,” Adam reminded Ronan. “I don’t care where I am as long as I’m with you.”

“I believe you.”

They would leave the asphodel meadows for the souls and roamed the outskirts of it, where flowered grounds remained and pomegranate trees grew. Though they mostly kept their hands to themselves outside of the palace walls, they stole kisses under the trees, sat wrapped in each other’s arms.

They did just that, kissed excitedly, like they hadn’t done this so many times before. Ronan smiled into Adam’s neck when they broke apart and Adam pulled away only to reach up above their heads. Ronan watched as Adam grabbed a pomegranate and tore it from the branch. Ronan took it from him and Adam gave him a puzzled look, crossed his arms in annoyance.

“Am I not allowed to have a snack?”

“No, it’s not that- don’t you know?”

“Obviously I’m missing something.”

Ronan sat down against the stump of the tree and beckoned for Adam to join him. Adam folded his legs beside Ronan’s and Ronan told him that whoever ate the fruit of the underworld would remain there for eternity.

“Take from the dead, stay with the dead,” Adam said. “Seems fair.”

Ronan’s smirk was dark. “I suppose.”

“Would you like me to be stuck here forever?” Adam asked.

Ronan eyed him curiously. “I think the question that needs to be asked is would _you_ like you to be stuck here forever.”

“I’ll answer if you do.”

Ronan narrowed his eyes and Adam smiled playfully.

“Am I wrong to say yes?”

“Are you?”

Ronan rolled his eyes and Adam swung a leg over Ronan’s, climbed into his lap and cradled his face in his hands.

“It’s not wrong,” Adam said.

He grabbed the fruit from Ronan’s hands and rubbed it with his thumb.

“Adam-”

“We’ll come back to this spot together,” Adam decided. “Right now, I just want you to kiss me.”

Ronan grabbed the pomegranate back and tossed it over his shoulder dramatically and Adam’s laughter faded into their kiss.

~

Most of the time Ronan didn’t sleep well. He would toss and turn, wake up and return to sleep over and over in a pattern that left him unrested. With Adam beside him, Ronan found it easier to sleep, but even so some nights he still found himself awake staring at the ceiling.

Adam slept soundly beside him. Ronan brushed his index finger over Adam’s freckles, touched the tip of his nose and stroked down to his mouth, traced the bow of his upper lip. Adam twitched like he was tickled by the touch and Ronan drew away as to not disturb him. He climbed out of bed as carefully as he could and kept his eyes on Adam till he was out of sight.

“Where are you going?” Noah said as soon as Ronan stepped on outer ground.

“To the living world.”

“Why?”

“Why are you so concerned?”

“Only because you seem concerned.”

Ronan sighed. He didn’t answer, but he did ask Noah to join him so Noah did. They left the underworld together and Ronan took in the world around him as the sun hinted at a new day.

“It looks different,” Noah said.

Ronan scowled at him. “Thank you, I wasn’t sure.”

Ronan looked back out at the land. The trees were speckled with red and gold and a few leaves littered the earth beneath them. Even in low light, Ronan could see that the grass wasn’t as green as usual, tinged with yellow, and the flowers, though vibrant, seemed a little less so.

“It’s dying,” Noah said quietly.

“No it isn’t,” Ronan argued lamely, maybe trying to convince himself.

“Look at it, Ronan.”

“I am,” he said angrily. “And I don’t want to anymore. We’re going back.”

Ronan directed a vicious glare at Noah when he opened his mouth to speak and Noah promptly closed it. They retreated to the underworld in silence and Ronan held his chin up and kept his lip stiff as they made their way home. The moment Ronan was alone, he slid to the ground with his back against the wall and held his head in his hands, knew all too well that Noah was right.

~

Ronan paused at the entrance to his room and leaned against the wall. He could see Adam’s form through the canopy and softened at the sight of him. He stripped and climbed into bed, adjusted under the covers and woke Adam up in turn.

“I’m sorry, go back to sleep.”

Adam shook his head. “Where were you?” he asked tiredly.

“Just went for a walk,” Ronan lied.

“Are you alright?”

Ronan didn’t want to hide anything, but he didn’t want the truth to ruin this. Not yet, not while Adam’s sleepy eyes were staring into his own.

“Yes. Go back to sleep,” Ronan repeated.

Adam promptly readjusted and was asleep again in seconds. Ronan tried to push back the thoughts of how hard this would be to let go of, how he would let the earth crumble around them if it meant keeping this forever.

~

Guilt gnawed at Ronan as time passed. As the underworld flourished, the living world decayed, and Ronan had only gone back once since the last time. The trees were bare, the ground was frozen and hard, and Ronan couldn’t bear to look at it for too long. The change in traffic through the underworld grew more noticeable and Ronan knew better than to hope it wasn’t the cause of Adam’s absence. 

“You have to tell him,” Noah said as they walked towards the river marsh.

“I know,” Ronan said sadly. “I just don’t know how.”

They watched Adam in the distance. He was following Chainsaw as she led him down a winding path to nowhere in particular. Chainsaw circled back shortly and Adam followed her back to Noah and Ronan, held his hand out for Ronan to grab. Ronan lifted it gracefully to his lips and Noah’s face scrunched in annoyance.

“The two of you are nauseating.”

Adam smiled at him. “You must feel left out. Should we find him a spirit like himself?”

Ronan’s smile was brilliant and snake like. “You would love that wouldn’t you, Noah?”

“Or is it that you would like to be included here?”

Noah bumped his shoulder into Adam’s and Adam smiled. “Fuck off. Both of you are terrible.”

“Do you always speak to the lord of the underworld that way?”

“I would never. Your Highness, I think he’s getting a little out of control,” Noah smirked.

Ronan looked disgusted. “Alright, you win. I hate when you call me that.”

“I know,” Noah said happily.

Adam kissed Ronan’s cheek and Noah waited till they separated to bid them goodbye for now. Ronan and Adam walked aimlessly, wandered through the meadows until Adam quietly directed their path to the pomegranate trees. Ronan felt bile rise in his throat. Adam pulled him to the very same tree they once sat under and stretched to reach a vibrant red pomegranate and pull it from its branch.

Ronan gently took it from Adam and passed it back and forth from one hand to the other. He held the weight of the world in his palms and he shut his eyes tight as he dug his thumbs into the fruit. It took some effort, but Ronan broke it into two messy halves and passed one to Adam.

“You will spend eternity in this world,” Ronan warned.

“You’re always so concerned with this world and not what’s in it.”

“I’m speaking from experience,” Ronan replied. “It’s not easy living in darkness.”

“Maybe it’s not,” Adam agreed, “but whatever happens is worth it if I get to be with you.”

Adam prodded the seeds with his index finger and Ronan’s heart jumped. Adam made a move to take one, but Ronan stopped him with a careful hand.

“Before you do it, I have to tell you something.”

“Tell me.”

Ronan looked down, struggled to say it the right way. “Your world- I went back and I saw- it’s dying, Adam.”

“What?”

“Your world is dying without you,” Ronan said as an angry tear spilled down his cheek.

He looked up and what he saw felt like a knife deep enough to hit bone. Adam’s eyes were shiny and his expression wounded. He shook his head and looked down at the fruit he still held, looked back to Ronan.

“Please say something,” Ronan said softly.

“How long have you known?”

“Please say something else.”

Adam just stared at him, waited for an answer. After a moment’s hesitation, Ronan said, “Long enough.” 

Adam turned away from him and headed for the palace. Ronan called for him, but got no answer, kept pace with him until they reached Ronan’s home. Ronan followed Adam to the throne room and too caught up in his worry, bumped into Adam when he didn’t realize that Adam paused in the middle of the room. Ronan followed his gaze to the figure waiting for them and his blood went cold.

“Brother.”

“Ronan. I’m honored to finally meet the root of the mess you’ve made.”

“Do not talk about him that way.”

Declan ignored him. “You must be Adam.”

Adam bowed his head, but his expression was hard. “Declan, I presume.”

Declan nodded. Ronan waited for him to strike, prepared to retaliate. His fingers brushed Adam’s and despite the feelings that Ronan knew brewed inside Adam, he interlocked their hands. Declan’s expression melted from unpleasantly friendly to quietly furious, lips an even line. 

“Do you have any idea what the two of you have done?”

“Don’t speak like we conspired to harm anyone, you know that’s not what happened.”

“Do I?”

“Please,” Ronan scoffed. “Go ahead and leave if you’re going to play stupid.”

“You know what the consequences are and yet he’s still here with you.”

“By my own decision,” Adam interrupted. “If you’re going to punish him, then I should be treated the same.”

“I intend to,” Declan said.

“I will send you to Tarturus myself if you even think-”

“Do not threaten me, Ronan. You’re lucky I haven’t done exactly that to you.”

“You will not use my kingdom against me.”

“I will if you force my hand.”

A fire burned through Ronan that made him want to set everything around him aflame. He pulled Adam behind him and took a step towards Declan who stood his ground with his chin up and chest out.

“I was given this rule because nobody else could bear it. Not the way I have,” Ronan said. “You must hate to see me feeling anything other than the darkness that seeps from these grounds, is that it?” With every word, Ronan’s voice grew louder. “You can’t stand the fact that I’m not sulking like one of the dead. You know what I feel for him and you hate that I feel anything at all.”

Adam held Ronan in place. Ronan knew that if Adam let go, he’d find it difficult to hold himself back. Declan stared at him, expression unreadable.

“Mortals are dying and all you care about is yourself. You are not fit to rule if you can’t put the living above your own selfish desires.”

“You have no idea what it’s like to have to choose,” Ronan snarled. “You’re right, Declan, is that what you want to hear? That I’m selfish and stupid?”

“I want you to give this up,” Declan said through gritted teeth.

“I hope you never have to carry the weight of a decision like this,” Ronan said. “It would break you if you did,” he added quietly, almost defeated.

“Looks like it might break you, too,” Declan challenged.

Ronan lunged for him, but he was gone as quick as lightning struck. Ronan fell onto his knees and Adam sank down beside him. Stones settled in Ronan’s stomach, climbed high into his throat. Fire still burned in his veins and behind his eyes, and if he was able to form words, he would have told Adam that Declan was right.

~

Ronan paced for a while and Adam left him to watch the souls travel through the realm with Noah. Time ticked by and Adam didn’t return, so Ronan left to find him. He searched the palace first and his heart sunk when he realized where he would find who he was looking for. He found Adam pacing through the fields, walking from one fruit filled tree to another.

“Hi,” Ronan called softly.

Adam’s head snapped up and he paused where he stood.

“You found me,” Adam said with a smile that wasn’t all joy.

“I’m sorry about before. This is so hard, Adam.”

Adam stared back at Ronan with sad, heavy eyes. “You are not the only one who carries the weight of the dead anymore,” he said. 

“I don’t want you to go,” Ronan said, “but I understand if you choose to.”

“That’s just it, Ronan, I don’t want to go.”

A chill ran through Ronan that made every hair on his body stand on end.

“I was so angry with you for not telling me,” Adam told him, “but I was angrier with the part of myself that didn’t care.”

The flowers Adam planted in Ronan’s heart tightened their roots. Ronan closed the gap between them and held Adam’s face in his hands, thumbed the skin below his eye.

“Maybe we weren’t meant to be after all,” Ronan said.

“Do you really think so?”

“I want to,” he admitted. “I want this to be easy to end, but I don’t want to lose you.” 

Adam brushed his nose against Ronan’s and Ronan kept his hold on Adam, let his hands drop to Adam’s neck.

“You did it,” Adam said quietly, breath on Ronan’s lips. Ronan let his parted lips catch with Adam’s and his heart soared just as his blood turned to ice when he tasted the familiar sweetness of pomegranate on Adam’s lips. “You ruined me.” 

~

Ronan wondered if Adam felt the same storm of emotions as they stumbled through the palace halls wrapped in each other’s arms. All at once Ronan was angry with what their love turned them into, euphoric to know that Adam would be his forever, heartbroken that Adam’s guilt probably weighed heavily on his heart.

They took each other apart and Adam kissed Ronan senseless, left them both dizzy and tired. Adam rested in Ronan’s lap, laid his head on Ronan’s shoulder and Ronan rubbed up and down his back to soothe him. Adam scratched gently at the back of Ronan’s neck, followed the lines of the black marking that painted his skin and lifted his head to meet Ronan’s gaze.

“What will happen when your brother comes back?”

“Leave that to me.”

“We are both responsible.”

“He is my brother,” Ronan argued. “My burden to carry, not yours.”

Adam fell silent. Ronan’s hands moved heavily against Adam’s thighs before they rubbed over his back. Ronan cupped Adam’s cheeks in his hands and searched his eyes, full of the emotions Ronan figured he felt, though his mouth gave away nothing. 

They never separated, fell asleep using each other for warmth underneath soft covers. Ronan woke to an empty bed and blinked tiredly till his vision cleared. He spotted Adam on the balcony with Noah and they turned their heads in unison when Ronan rose from where he lied.

“Tell him,” Adam said as they strolled back into the room together.

“Tell me what?”

“Go on,” Adam urged. 

Noah pondered silently for a moment and Ronan quickly grew impatient. He imagined tossing Noah from the balcony as he had done a handful of times before and almost threatened so when Noah finally spoke.

“What if you could split Adam’s time?”

“What do you mean?”

“I know that what you both want is to be together forever,” Noah said, tone dripping with affectionate mockery, “but we all know what’s happening up there.”

“Yes,” Ronan said.

“What if Adam could travel between the worlds like you can?”

“I’m sure if I went back I could restore it,” Adam said. “And then come back and have my time with you.”

“Do you really think it would work?”

“I don’t see why not,” Adam shrugged.

“I’d still lose you though,” Ronan frowned.

“Just the thought of not being with you breaks my heart,” Adam whispered. “And if I could, I would watch the world burn while I stayed here with you, but it’s not fair to them,” he continued with an upward nod.

Ronan was quiet for a moment. “It’s not like this can be reversed.”

“We know someone who might be able to make it happen,” Noah corrected.

Ronan knew from the hesitant look on Noah’s face who he meant. Ronan’s expression darkened and he shook his head.

“I will ask nothing of him.”

“Then I will,” Adam cut in. “I’m sure that doesn’t sound ideal to you either, but try to remember what’s at stake.”

Ronan nodded and reached out for Adam. Adam bit back a smile and Ronan circled his arms around Adam’s waist from behind him, leaned his chin on Adam’s shoulder.

“I must say, I’m a little disappointed that the two of you were conspiring without me.”

Noah rolled his eyes and Adam leaned into Ronan’s touch.

“I can make it up to you,” Adam offered, voice sickeningly sweet as he turned around so that they were face to face.

“Noah,” Ronan called, though his gaze remained locked with Adam’s when he spoke. “Thank you. I owe you.”

“Is that so?”

“Name it and it’s yours.”

“Can I get back to you?”

“Sure.”

The word ended up buried in Adam’s neck and Adam’s laughter filled the room. The sound breathed life into Ronan like nothing ever could and Ronan swore on his world that he would never love anyone or anything the way he loved Adam.

~

Ronan kept to himself that the thought of Adam not by his side broke him. He loathed the selfishness he found in himself, hated godliness and rules and everything that kept them from staying together with ease.

They wandered the palace grounds where Adam’s gardens now grew. They kissed amongst the flowers, traded promises of forever no matter what. Lightning cracked and shook the underworld as they retreated inside the palace after some time spent in the gardens, and Ronan’s grip on Adam’s hand tightened instinctively.

“Come to rip every ounce of joy from the world again, have we?” Ronan greeted his brother.

“I should send you both to Tarturus for what you’ve done.”

“Luckily that’s not up to you.”

“You’re being incredibly disrespectful considering you’re the one responsible for this mess.”

Ronan gave Declan a bored look. “How do you intend to clean it up?”

Ronan felt Adam’s eyes on him. Just as Ronan predicted, Declan’s punishment was bitter and terrible.

“He will be banished,” Declan said with a nod at Adam. “And I would love to send you both, but someone needs to watch over this place.”

“I don’t keep my title because of you,” Ronan spat. “You do not rule me the way you think. And why punish him alone?”

“You may have taken him here, but he decided to stay.”

“If you are going to banish me, the outcome is all the same, isn’t it?”

Ronan’s grip tightened and Adam squeezed back.

“And what do you suppose I should do?” Declan said with a dismissive smirk that Ronan wanted to smack right off his face.

“Banish me to the living world.”

Declan considered it for a moment. “Your damage might be permanent. Letting you go back might be useless.”

“I doubt it,” Adam said, “but we won’t know until we try.”

“Then you will return immediately.”

Ronan felt a knife in his chest the second he laid eyes on Declan and now it felt like it was pushed deeper.

“If that’s how it must be, then I ask one thing of you.”

“How dare you-”

“You will let him speak,” Ronan snarled at his brother.

Declan looked from Adam to Ronan and then back.

“I want to come back.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why? Because your brother is right, you can’t stand to see him happy? How deep does your bitterness run that you let this turn into your own personal vendetta?”

“Mind your tone.”

“None of us are mortals, remember that. I’m not as below you as you wish. I only ask for a valid reason that I can’t share my time as I please.”

Declan’s nostrils flared as he quietly seethed across from them.

“You have nothing to say,” Ronan interjected. “Don’t take him now and don’t take him forever. I’ve never asked you for anything and I hate to ask you now, but I’m asking you as your brother.”

Adam bowed his head. Ronan stared at the brother he once playfully fought with, the same one who he thought would never hurt him.

“On my conditions.”

“No promises.”

“Ronan,” Adam called. “Give him a chance.”

Declan proposed that Adam’s time be evenly split in half and that in between, they were not to see each other. Ronan figured he would break that rule anyway. Even when Declan told them that breaking the conditions would result in permanent separation, Ronan thought he might not follow through. He would decide later if it was worth the risk.

For now he agreed. Adam had one moon cycle left before he was to return to the living world and they remained calm until a crack of light announced Declan’s departure. Only when his brother was gone did Ronan pull Adam in for a kiss and Adam jumped into Ronan’s arms, cheered and laughed in between kisses as Ronan spun them around the throne room in celebration. Noah interrupted them and Adam slid down from Ronan’s embrace so Ronan could throw his arm over his friend’s shoulder.

“Have you decided?”

“I think so?”

“Well?”

“I want to find peace,” Noah answered.

Adam’s smile dissipated and Ronan’s face fell.

“You want to move on,” Ronan said.

“Not right away. I’m still not ready,” Noah admitted. “But you can make it happen, can’t you?”

Ronan nodded solemnly, found Adam’s hand and held it tight.

“Not right away,” Ronan said to clarify.

Noah nodded agreement.

“Is that all?”

“One more thing.”

“Of course.”

“Keep it down up there,” Noah said with a gesture towards Ronan’s bedroom.

Ronan playfully shoved him and a smile crossed Noah’s features. Adam wrapped himself around Ronan as they walked and Noah waved them off. Ronan turned his attention back to Adam and Adam pressed their foreheads together, nudged gently.

“What will I do when you’re gone?”

“Miss me, I hope,” Adam said.

Ronan tried to smile, but it didn’t last. Adam palmed his cheek and met his eyes, kissed him sweetly on the mouth.

“Worry about it when the time comes,” Adam told him. “I’m here now.”

Ronan snaked his arms around Adam’s waist and let his head droop. Adam kissed Ronan through his hair and Ronan brushed his nose against Adam’s neck, loosened his arms to hold Adam by his hips. He kissed the hollow of Adam’s throat, brushed his lips over the column of Adam’s neck and Adam let his head fall back to grant Ronan access. Ronan mouthed softly at Adam’s neck, pushed their hips together, bit his lip when the softest whimper fell from Adam’s lips.

They shifted to meet each other’s mouths and Ronan swore he could still taste pomegranate. Just a hint of it, a reminder that Adam had in fact chosen him. Ronan gently licked into Adam’s mouth and Adam lined his thumbs up with Ronan’s jaw, led their kiss as Ronan led them to their room.

They stayed up together for hours. They kissed again and again, touched and memorized each other’s bodies. Ronan committed his favorite details to memory, though he knew them now better than he knew his own form. The star like freckles of Adam’s cheeks, the dip of his lower back and curve of his hip, his angelic hands. Ronan held one to his mouth as they lied together propped against the bed, legs twined under the covers. Ronan watched Adam watch him as he kissed Adam’s knuckles, brushed his lips over the lifeline of Adam’s palm and then the indents of his fingers. Ronan lined their fingers up and pressed the tips together, interlocked them and let them come together and apart in a rhythmless pattern.

“You have the most gentle hands,” Adam said softly.

Ronan smiled crookedly. “I do?”

“Mhm.”

He kissed Adam’s fingers, tapped his thumb over Adam’s pulse point. Ronan’s heart weighed heavy in his chest when he thought about the limit on their time together. He shut his eyes for a moment, tried to force the thoughts away, but they plagued him even in the back of his mind. Adam wriggled out from under the covers and Ronan sat up with him when he thought Adam was leaving their nest of blankets.

Adam climbed onto Ronan’s lap instead and let the blankets fall around their lower halves. Adam’s mouth on Ronan’s skin ridded him of the stress and worry and Ronan couldn’t get close enough. He threaded his fingers into Adam’s hair to guide their mouths together and Ronan made himself dizzy with it. Adam leaned back a little and Ronan flattened his palms just above Adam’s bottom to steady him as he kissed Adam’s neck, planted kisses over his chest. Adam was eager to do the same and Ronan smiled when Adam took control, sighed contently when Adam mouthed at his neck and let their lips catch for a moment.

Ronan felt Adam slump in his arms. Adam still held on tightly, limbs wrapped around Ronan. He kept his face nuzzled in the crook of Ronan’s neck and his warm breath sent tingles through Ronan’s spine. Ronan palmed the small of Adam’s back and rubbed up on Adam’s exhale, down on his inhale. Even in sleep they remained in each other’s arms and when they woke up not long apart, they picked up where they left off.

They soaked in each other’s company, made every moment count until Adam’s time was up. They spent hours in the gardens, made the palace their playground, kissed too often and for too long, though it was never truly enough.

Above ground, the earth grew colder. The tides rose and fell and the moon neared its final crescent phase of its current cycle. As Adam’s departure loomed closer, they spent more time hidden away.

Adam braced against Ronan’s back, arms crossed beneath his chin when the crescent moon hit its peak. Ronan could still feel warmth on his skin where Adam had pressed his lips to the upper parts of his markings. Adam was laughing at something Ronan said and he shook against Ronan when the sound came from his belly. When Adam calmed down, Ronan sighed.

“You have no idea how much I’m going to miss that.”

Adam cocked his head, sat up so they could be face to face. 

“Don’t I? Everything you’ll miss of me I will miss of you,” Adam said with a kiss on Ronan’s hand.

Ronan watched him intently and shook his head, cupped Adam’s cheek in his hand.

“I feel like I might die without you,” Ronan said, forced his welled up eyes to close and push back what threatened to spill.

“You won’t. Besides, someone needs to be around to bring me back here, remember?”

Adam stroked his thumb below Ronan’s eye and Ronan turned against Adam’s wrist, kissed him where his pulse beat beneath warm skin. Adam rested his opposite hand on Ronan’s chest and curled his fingers against Ronan’s skin, and Ronan laid his hand atop Adam’s above his heart.

“It’s yours,” Ronan said. “I’m yours.”

“And I’m yours all the same. Always, my love,” Adam promised.

The space between them became none at all and they kissed like they meant to end the world, didn’t pull apart till the sun rose in a gray sky over the living world.

~

Ronan hadn’t been above ground since he last snuck away to check its dying progress. Adam was beside him, hands locked tightly together. Ronan watched him take in the ghostly shell of his world, its muted tones and ominously empty trees. Ronan expected to see sadness in Adam’s soulful eyes and nothing else. What he saw instead was hope, excitement to bring life back to the world.

“I’m not ready to let you go yet,” Ronan said, arms wrapped around Adam to share warmth.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be,” Adam admitted.

They held each other a while longer and Ronan pressed his lips first to Adam’s mouth and then to his forehead. He held the back of Adam’s head, threaded his fingers into that earthy, golden hair, and let his lips linger for a couple of beats. Adam tucked his palms against Ronan’s chest and let his hands slide away slowly as they separated. Ronan caught Adam’s hand and Adam let their fingers brush, knitted them together.

“As long as the moon runs its course, I will be waiting for you.”

“Promise me,” Ronan said. “Promise me that you’ll always come back.”

“Promise,” Adam swore. “I’ll see you soon.”

Ronan swallowed hard and let go of Adam’s hand. Adam turned to leave and Ronan watched him go, felt an ache in his chest when Adam looked over his shoulder once more before the underworld took Ronan back.

~

Ronan sat at the riverside to watch the water rush. Noah sat with him in comfortable silence, played with the flowers that Adam left behind. Ronan could feel him still- the heat of his mouth and the weight of his hips, the press of his fingertips along the strokes of Ronan’s back markings.

“Were you ever in love when you were alive?”

“No. Didn’t have much time anyway I suppose.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok,” Noah smiled. “I would have liked to be, if you want an honest answer.”

“I think between the two of us you’re the lucky one,” Ronan said as a quiet smirk lifted one corner of his mouth.

“I think there’s something to be said about love so true that it hurts,” Noah told him. “You’re lucky. Trust me.”

Ronan looked over at his friend and Noah returned his stare. Ronan threw his arm over Noah’s shoulder and pulled Noah against his side a bit roughly, rested his cheek on Noah’s hair.

“Thank you.”

“Let go of me.”

“Why? I’m trying to show appreciation,” Ronan said, squeezed tighter.

“Well I don’t appreciate your appreciation,” Noah said through gritted teeth.

Ronan managed a short laugh and Noah shoved his shoulder, shook his head at him. Noah stayed by Ronan’s side until Ronan readied for bed. That night he dreamed of the living world, of the sky that lit it. He would dream of it every night and watch the moon go through its phases until he and Adam kissed underneath it again.

~

Moon phases came and went and mortals gave names to the changes the earth went through. When Adam returned to Ronan’s side, summer turned to autumn and autumn to winter; winter thawed and melted into spring, spring burned into summer when Adam walked with the living.

Every six months they returned to each other. Every six months the world died a temporary death and the mortals grew accustomed. Time passed and Adam and Ronan remained the same. Noah stayed with Ronan in the underworld for as many moons as it took to embrace what was next.

“I’m ready, but I will wait until Adam comes,” Noah told Ronan one day as they watched the rivers.

Ronan was fiercely angry with his friend at first, but he knew in his heart that he was being selfish. When Adam returned, he said the same and kissed him on the cheek when he told Ronan, “It’s because you love too hard. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“He waited till you came so I wouldn’t be alone,” Ronan said.

“He loves you, too,” Adam said.

Ronan, consistently fair to the best of his judgment, decided Noah’s term with no hesitation.

“The Elysian Fields,” Ronan said.

They spent more than enough time talking about Ronan’s realm, learning its ins and outs. Noah’s expression told Ronan he knew there was no better fate.

“But-”

“That’s final,” Ronan said.

Adam stayed tucked against Ronan’s side as they watched Noah consider it for a moment and eventually smile. Adam tore away to pull Noah into a fierce hug and Ronan did the same, waved Noah off as he prepared to join the souls that traveled the river.

“Get yourself someone new to haunt this place,” Noah said. “You’ll need it.”

Ronan laughed, a wet, hoarse sound. He gave Noah a watery smile and wrapped himself around Adam, sighed when he nuzzled into Adam’s neck and watched Noah leave them to find his peace. In the distance, he was a wispy, shiny soul, like a fleck of glitter. 

It was seasons ago that Ronan let his friend go and he missed him to this day, but he always reminded himself that Noah was at peace, happy in the fields where he belonged. Ronan thought of him now as he walked through the waking world. He thought Noah would have liked to see the meadow now, as lush as ever during the autumn equinox golden hour. A storm had just cleared and left the sky gray while the sun burned bright. Ronan turned his attention from the sky to the flowers that seemed to move in a wave and then the figure that came towards him, couldn’t help the grin that crossed his features.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

“Who says things like that in this day and age?” Adam teased.

Ronan rolled his eyes, but smiled all the same. He reached out for Adam’s hand and pulled him close, leaned in so their foreheads touched.

They plopped down side by side to watch the sun dip away like they always did, a goodbye of sorts to the living world until Adam’s return. Ronan leaned with his cheek pressed to Adam’s and they caught each other up, babbled on about nothing and everything, happy to be in each other’s company again. Ronan stood up under the light of the moon and pulled Adam with him.

“Let’s go home,” Ronan said, hands braced on Adam’s hips while Adam’s palms cupped Ronan’s neck.

“You _are_ my home.”

Ronan let their mouths catch and circled his arms around Adam to hold him closer. Adam’s smile broke their kiss and Ronan saw stars, felt his heart beat a little faster. Shadows danced around Ronan’s ankles and then Adam’s, and when they kissed again it was in the darkness of the underworld. Ronan led Adam to the palace where a new broken rule awaited, a dream brought to life for the two of them.

“What is this, Ronan?”

“I dreamed it.”

Adam’s expression was cool. “You know you shouldn’t be doing things like this.”

Ronan took Adam’s hand and led him in. There was yellowy daylight with no natural sun, flowers bloomed everywhere, and the trees rustled in a breeze that only existed passed the threshold.

“Tell me it’s not worth it,” Ronan challenged.

Adam’s jaw fell open in awe as he looked around. Ronan closed it with with his forefinger, brought Adam’s attention back to him. Adam broke into a quiet smile and Ronan kissed him in their new secret, winded his arms around Adam’s waist and pressed their foreheads together. He heard Noah’s voice in his thoughts, a smile in his voice, and shamelessly figured Noah was right. Ronan didn’t mind so much anyway, not when his inability to obey what he was told led him to Adam, led him to this very moment and the thousands more kisses they would share here. 

_All you’re good for is breaking the rules._

Flowers bowed away when Adam shifted to get closer to Ronan. They walked deeper into the dream forest, excited to get lost together, and Ronan thanked his lucky stars and all the gods he’d ever known for dreams, love, for Adam. 

For rules that were meant to be broken.

**Author's Note:**

> So. A few things-
> 
> •This was my own twist on the myth of Hades and Persephone therefore it is FAR from historically/mythically accurate, let's just call it "loosely inspired". I am not a mythologist or academic of any kind so creative freedom was used and abused.  
> •For those unaware, Declan is Zeus, Matthew is Poseidon, and of course Ronan is dear Hades.  
> •I'm sorry Blue, Gansey, and Henry aren't in this- I love them dearly, this was just not a gangsey centric idea from the start.  
> •Title is from Bedroom Hymns by Florence + the Machine.  
> •Self edited so any mistakes are my own.  
> •Thank you so much for reading! Would love to hear your thoughts and feedback.


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